billionaiers go wild
by sadistic-neko
Summary: The league are having a party at the Wayne manor, but what's this? the Flash has a tricky little scheme? Jim Gorden, the joker, harley and the league will never look at Bruce the same way again? there are some misunderstandings concerning drugs and Aladin


It was Presidents day and the League was having a party at the Wayne manor. Bruce had yet to arrive and the other six of the original seven, Flash, Superman, Wonder Woman, Hawk Girl, J'onn, and Green Lantern, were having a very "important" conversation concerning the prince of Gotham.

"I'm telling you that we need to at least try!" The Flash, otherwise known as Wally West exclaimed. "It would be for his own good, too! He's never relaxed and never just has fun!"

Most of the League members agreed, but there always had to be some voice of reason. At this moment, it just so happened to be Superman or Clark Kent.

"He would taste it though, and we all know how mad he gets when someone tries to trick him." He shuddered at the thought of Bruce Wayne, the prince of Gotham and, though not known to the public, Batman, the Dark knight, on the rampage.

"Don't worry, I had some spare time after work and came up with a way to get rid of the taste! He won't even notice it!"

After hearing the man's reassuring, he still didn't really feel all that convinced. He sighed.

"Do what ever you want, but don't involve me when he gets mad at all of you." With that he walked away, thinking of different ways to hide until Batman had calmed down after this sure to be disastrous night.

****

When Bruce approached the room, he felt an underlying tension. Most of the room seemed somehow amused, but he saw Clark in the corner, cowering, and muttering to himself. Since Bruce didn't have super-hearing, he had no idea what he was going on about. So, he decided to ignore it altogether.

"Bruce, you're finally here!" Diana smiled warmly at him, eyes sparkling with some hidden spark. Bruce inwardly frowned. What was the joke? Then Wally ran up –quickly- and clapped him on the back.

"Hey buuuuuuuuudy!" He said with a grin. "Having fun?"

"I just got here…" Bruce answered tersely. Wally just continued with his idiotic grin.

"That's cool. I've been here."

"Is that so?" Bruce asked with no interest whatsoever. Wally continued to grin. Bruce wanted to shoot, burn, then bury that stupid grin.

"Want a drink?" That answer was easy.

"No." Never trust a Wally.

"It's okay, Bruce," Diana said with a smile. "The drinks are fine." Still wary, Bruce relented and took the glass from the eager Wally. He touched it to his lips….and then took a sip. And then another. This was very good. Much better thenhisnormaldrinkthisswassuper-goodOMGthisissuperfantasticthisisamazing!!!!$%$&#*($&#*($&#*($&#*(

Since when were tastes so tasty?! Bruce grabbed a few more glasses, throwing them down his throat with no more worry. Distantly, he thought he could hear snickering, but he ignored it. Who would be laughing???

God, these drinks were good!

****

Phase one…complete. Wally hid a grin as Bruce became slightly faster than the Flash as he drank everything…and I mean, EVERYTHING…that had sugar in it.

But the League hadn't expected this…and Wally's grin slipped away as- passing the speed of sound- Bruce escaped.

Out the front door.

Off the property.

Wearing his batsuit.

Wait…when did he change into that again?

Oh, well. He was the Batman. Anything was possible.

******

Commissioner Gordon sighed as he turned on the Batlight. Another rough day in Gotham. Nothing ever changed…crooks and psychopaths, and WHAT THE HELL?

********

OOOOOOH….Pretty shiny thing! Bruce leapt from the roof top, and landed in front of a bewildered James Gordon.

"Hi,okaywhatstheproblembadguybadgirlbadguyandbadgirlcrooksigotsmybatarang!ICANFIGHT!"Jim frowned and pushed up his glasses.

"You okay?" He asked uncertainly.

"I'msupergoodI'msofantasticdoyoulikemysuitit'sreallyHOT!" With that, Batman ripped off his batsuit. Luckily for him, the mask stayed on. Unluckily for Jim, nothing else did.

"Er…" Jim looked away. "Did- you- uh-meet up with the Joker or something today?"

"What?!!!!" Jim nodded half-heartedly.

"Do you want to take today off?"

"NO!IWANNAFIGHTABADDIE!" Jim resisted looking down.

"You're naked."

"YES!IT'SHOTOUT!"  
"It's 62 degrees…do you need to go to a hospital? Or Arkham?"

"There he is!" Gordon looked up at the new voice. Superman? What was he doing in Gotham? "GET HIM!" And then Flash was in front of Batman.

"Buddy…I don't even care where you wear your underpants…on the outside of your costume? I don't care. Just. Wear. It." Jim looked at the Flash.

"What happened to him?" Flash smiled weakly.

"Nothing you can prove!" And then both he- and the naked Dark Knight- were gone. Jim sighed. He shut off the light.

Another night, another crook, another wacko, another normal day in Gotham.

*****

"What the heck!?" Flash shrieked. "I JUST had him!" Superman glared at him.

"I am taking none of the blame.'

"You didn't stop me." Flash reminded him. "You should have learned by now." Superman continued to glare.

"Jim Gordon will never look at Batman the same way again." Flash shuddered.

"Neither will I. That kind of stuff is NOT for kids." Superman rolled his eyes. Flash raised an eyebrow. "Didn't it bother you?"  
"I have X-ray vision…"

"So? You have to aim it…"Flash drifted off, before uncomfortably fumbling with his fingers. I'm gonna look for Batman waaaay over there." Superman squeaked in fear and embarrassment.

"That's not what I meant!" Flash smiled.

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure." And then he was gone. Superman cursed:

"Stupid Flash and his stupid stupidness."(Boyscouts don't curse in the normal cursing way) He continued to grumble.

*********

The Joker smiled deviously. This would be his greatest scheme yet! First, he'd put a whoopee cushion bomb under the mayor's seat…and…KABLOOIE! Gotham would be blown away-literally! He laughed, his laugh echoing through his super-secret hideout.

"HEY, JOKER!" Joker jumped nearly ten feet in the air, then turned with a scowl.

"I haven't even done... anything…yet…" His eyes widened as he beheld the sight before him: a naked, jumpy, GRINNING, Batman. Was this guy for real? Probably one of those kinky cos-players… Oh, well…any Batman was fun to kill!

He grabbed his gun, then shouted,

"Haaaaaaaarley! We have a guest!"

"Who is it, Puddin'?"  
"A naked cosplayer!"

"Fun! Can I have this one?"

"Babe, it's Batman!"

"Okay, you can have it."

"Thanks!" Harley trotted down the stairs to watch as Joker aimed and shot. And missed. He shot again. But, once again, the kinky cos-player was on the other side of the warehouse. "Stay still!" He growled, throwing the handgun to the side, and grabbing a machine gun instead (Clowns have this kind of stuff handy). Three rounds later, he was convinced.

This was Flash cos-playing as Batman.

"BATMAN! PUT YOUR COSTUME BACK ON!" Guess not. Harley and the Joker both turned as the red hero- who was neither naked, nor impersonating Batman in some kinky fashion- raced to the side of the swaying- and apparently real Batman- Batman's side. Flash glanced up, then smiled, his cheeks red. "This is a dreeeeeeaaaaaam!" He proclaimed, waving his hands around. Then he was gone. Joker turned to Harley.

"Am I asleep?"  
"Guess so, Mr J."

*****

"Is it true Batman is having a nervous breakdown?"

"Is Batman a nudist now?"

"Is this some kind of campaign for Peace?"

"What? NO! TO ANY OF THOSE!"  
"Superman! Superman! Are you and Batman Gay Lovers?"

"DO I LOOK NAKED TO YOU!? IT'S JUST HIM!"

"Are you saying he's trying to seduce you?"

"NO!" Well, maybe.

"Do you have any statements?"

"Stay out of his way."

"Is there a reason for his current state?" Superman blushed.

"Um- no comment!" He flew away from the crowd of paparazzi, thoughts swirling. Was Bruce going to make the death swift, or elongate it? Was he going to torture him, or Flash? Would Flash be able to escape? Stupid 'Fastest man- THERE HE WAS!

Superman made a beeline for the Flash.

"Where is he?" Flash smiled innocently.

"Er…um…see….here's the thing…."

"Where did you see him last?"

"He was heading towards…um…Wayne Enterprises?" Superman gulped. What was he doing there?

***

"It's cold." Bruce mumbled, shivering. He stumbled into his office, and typed in his password. Then he played solitaire. For ten minutes. Then Clark showed up.

"Batman!" He choked out.

"Superman?" Bruce responded. "What are you doing in my office? Is something the matter?"

"Batman."

"It's Bruce…I'm not Batman." Bruce replied crossly. Why was he compromising his secret identity like this? Clark groaned.

"Please look in a mirror." Bruce frowned, but stood, and did as he was told, walking to the full length mirror he kept in the corner of his office. He blanched.

"Clark." He growled, forsaking the need for secrecy regarding identities. "Why. Am. I . Naked." (Insert demonic voice on that last part) The mask hardly counted as clothing. And it also annoyed Bruce even more so that it was cold in here.

"I honestly don't know."

"Why am I at Wayne Enterprises...?"Clark shrugged.

"Once more…no clue."

"And who brought me here?"

"You ran." A smirk forced itself to Clark's face. "….naked…You've got some splainin' to do!" If possible, Bruce's glare increased.

"Clark. Who is the cause of my actions." Clark smiled.

"Well..technically…you _were_ in control of your body…"

"Clark. For situations sort of like this, I have kryptonite in my desk." Clark smiled innocently, holding up his hands.

"You wouldn't kill me over a little thing like nudity, would you?"

"LITTLE?" His voice was dark. Clark blanched.

"I didn't mea-"

"FINALLY! DO YOU REALIZE I HAVE BEEN CHASING YOU ALL OVER THIS STUPID CITY FOR THE PAST HOUR??? ARE YOU AGAINST CLOTHES? DO YOU HATE BLACK NOW? YOU CAN BORROW MY RED SUIT! I DON"T CARE! JUST COVER THAT THING UP!" He paused in his rant to smile at Clark. "Hi, Supes!' Clark waved timidly. Bruce, like a big naked statue, turned. His eyes narrowed.

"You." He seethed. Flash 'eep'ed. He sent a quick glare to Clark.

"You told!"  
"Nu-uh!"

"Yu-hu!"

"NU-uh! I was about to, but you came!"

"So…." Flash turned meekly to Bruce, and smiled. "Hi…"

"HI." Flash began to run away, but the speed of Bruce's sugar spiking had not yet dispersed. In seconds, he was dressed, and strangling the once-fastest man alive.

"I-Choke-didn't mean- choke-for you- choke- to go naki on-choke- us-!"

"What did you do?!"

"Sweet-and-low?"

"I don't think Sweet-and-low causes these kinds of reactions!"

"Um... I made a few…tiny…little…teensy-weensy-"

"Get on with it!"

"-tiny changes!"

"What-did-you-do-to-me?!"

"NOTHING PERMANENT! …I hope…"

"What did you do!?"

"I just made it so you couldn't taste it in the drink…plus I gave it a little more kick?"

"Is that a question? Should I answer?"

"Er-sorry? Sir?"

"Flash. I am going to go home, now, okay? I have a splitting headache, otherwise known as the consequence of letting a red-haired, hyperactive MANIAC into my house."

"Yessir!"

"Clark? You are going to get J'onn to take away all memories of tonight from people's minds."  
"Bruce- he can't do tha-" Clark began.

"Make. Him. Do It."

"But the film-"

"Burned. And then shot. And then shredded. And then blown up. And then buried. Underwater." Clark had learned it was best not to argue.

"Um…yes, sir."

"Good." He frowned, and rubbed his head. "Get me home." Flash nodded, and had him home in less than a second. Bruce glanced at the chandelier and had vague recollections of swinging on it while jeers and cheers rang out from below. He frowned, shook his head, decided that that was a bad idea, then retired to his bed.

Just before he drifted off to sleep, he heard the bellowing voice of his butler downstairs….

"WHO LET MASTER BRUCE HAVE SUGAR!"

God, I hate Gotham.

Chapter 2

It had been two weeks. Bruce shivered. Two LONG weeks. He hadn't had sugar- had avoided it like the plague- had punished, and then punished AGAIN, the Flash- had worked as hard as he could as Batman. But whenever he had his coffee- black- and his tea- strong and bleak- his eyes would drift to the oh-so-lovely cabinets, in which sat a nice big bag of unused sugar.

Delicious.

Tempting.

Sweet.

Sugar.

He knew very well that sugar was, apparently, not a good thing for him- for his reputation, anyway- but he longed for it. Longed to scoop out pounds of it into his drinks, or maybe just eat it straight from the bag.

"Master Bruce?"

"GO AWAY!"

"You have company." Bruce groaned. There were very few people who would visit, and fewer people he would want to see. The fact that J'onn had tried his best to erase all memories of the Naked Batman didn't matter…the seven knew…and probably a few citizens, too…..Flash seemed iffy when he asked about the Joker incident.

"Who?" He finally asked.

"Mistress Diana." Another groan. He couldn't say 'no' to her. She was only asking to be let in to be polite. She would break his door down if he said 'no'.

"Urg."  
"That's not a 'no'!" A cheerful voice trilled, and Diana entered gracefully. "Good morning, Bruce! You slept late." Bruce glowered at her. Yes, he was still in bed. Yes, he had been asleep dreaming of delicious sugar. SO WHAT? At least, he had been prior to this intrusion.

"What is it, Princess?" He demanded coldly.

"Oh, Bruce, you were so much more fun hyper…" She teased quietly, before sitting on his bedspread, and meeting his blue eyes with her soft ones. "Listen, we want you back. Just because we saw…" She drifted, blushed, grinned slightly, then finished, "Some…um…private things of yours…you shouldn't feel awkward." A sly look drifted onto her face. "If it would help, I would get naked!"  
"How would that help?" It was all Bruce could manage.

"Then we both would have seen each other naked!" Her logic seemed to make perfect sense in her mind. He didn't know whether to grin stupidly, or scowl. He knew how to scowl better, so he did just that.

"I'm staying home a while longer. Gotham needs me."

"You're just trying to find the Joker." She accused. He shrugged. 'Yep' seemed an un-Batman-ish thing to say, so he resisted saying it. She rolled her eyes. "Fine, Bruce. Whenever you've gotten over whatever it is you're getting over, come back to us." She stood, and went to the door. Before she left, she murmured over her shoulder, "You know, you have nothing to be ashamed of." Crimson burned on Bruce's cheeks.

BATMAN DOESN'T BLUSH! He reminded himself. He frowned, and threw himself back onto the pillow…………

"Bruce! Help!" Bruce turned to Jolly.

"What is it?"

"They're coming! They'll eat us!" Lolli agreed. "Please, save us!"

"How?"  
"Eat us yourself!" Gummy wept. Bruce nodded, he knew his mission. He would save these delicious treats!

"MASTER BRUCE STOP EATING THE PILLOW!" Bruce awoke, a feather tickling his tongue. He spat it out, then said indignantly,

"I wasn't." He jutted out his chin. Alfred didn't even spare a look of disbelief. He just rolled his eyes, grabbed the wet pillow, and stalked down the hall.

"GET OUT OF BED!" He called back. Bruce sighed, then stood and went to take a shower. The hot water felt wonderful until…until...the mist started looking like powdered sugar. Bruce shrieked.

"ALFRED, SUGAR IS ATTACKING ME! IT WANTS ME TO EAT IT!"

"DRINK COFFEE!" Was Alfred kind and ever-so-patient response.

--------------------

"So, she said, 'It's not like I didn't notice it!'" The small group burst out laughing.

"God, that's so awful!" Tina giggled, and Wally grinned at her.

"You know you loved it!"

"Back to work, slackers," Phil said, although he'd been listening to the joke, too. Fred frowned.

"I don't get it." This made everyone else laugh more, and Wally returned to his desk, to fiddle with his chemicals and papers.

"Excuse me, do you know where I could find a Mr. West?" Wally turned at the familiar name and voice, and saw Bruce Wayne talking to Phil. Fred frowned in confusion.

"Isn't that Bruce Wayne? Why is he asking for you?"

"I dunno!" Wally proclaimed defensively. He was a tad bit frightened.

"There you are!" Bruce smiled- it looked a bit predatory to Wally- and walked over to his desk. "I was meaning to ask you a little question."

"Oh." Wally squeaked. "How nice for you." Fred slunk away. He didn't get dirty jokes, but he could tell when it was not good to be around. Bruce's dark smile grew.

"Do you have a private place here?"  
"No." Tina smiled,

"Sure you do, West," She turned to Bruce. "Just down that hall." Bruce smiled pleasantly, then wrapped a hand around Wally's lean, and shaking, arm.  
"Come on, Mr. West." Wally squeaked.

"NO!" He howled. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I'M TOO PRETTY!" Tina smirked.

"Sorry! But I'd rather be on Wayne's better side." Wally scowled.

"Money isn't everything, Golddigger!" Tina laughed.

"Yu-hu! I saw this great T.V, yesterday! I'll speak at your funeral!" Wally frowned, then smiled. He couldn't help it. It was in his nature.

"MAKE SURE THE FOOD IS GOOD!" Then the door slammed, and he was in a dark room with an angry- very angry- Bruce Wayne. "Hey…Bruce….I see you're out of bed…good job?"  
"The sugar." Bruce hissed.

"Can't we forget about that? It was years ago."  
"It was two weeks ago."

"Oh. Yea. I was hoping you'd forgot."

"What did you add to it?"

"Nothing important…" Wally trailed off, finding something of immense interest down near his shoes.

"What. Did. You. Ad-"

"Dude, no need to get all angry demon-voice on me…okay…I added some-" And he rattled off with a list of weird long names, some of which Bruce had to question their existence. He shut him up after a moment.

"Anything addictive?" Wally paused, crinkling his nose in thought.

"I don't THINK so…"

"Wally…"

"OKAY, OKAY! Gimme a minute, Mr. Impatient. Geez. Okay, I don't think there was anything like that in there. I didn't want to get myself killed, okay? I wouldn't put nicotine in there." He frowned, a crease appearing between his eyebrows. "Why? Are you exhibiting signs of addiction? Withdrawal?" Bruce nodded slowly. "Oh. I dunno…maybe you're just addicted to the super-fun-amazingness of the SUGAR HIGH!" Bruce paused.

"I ran around naked."  
"You did."

"I ran around NAKED in front of the JOKER, COMMISSIONER GORDON-"

"And me, don't forget me!" Bruce looked like his head would explode, and Wally's arm, which he had raised excitedly, now lowered timidly. "Um…yea…so…your point?"

"I'm not addicted to embarrassment, baka."

"WHAT THE FIDDLE!"

"What?"

"What's a baka?"

"Um…I don't know…."

"I'm scared."

"Me, too."

"…"

"ANYWAY, I wouldn't be addicted to the sugar high if all it brought me was horrible, horrible, horrible-"

"I get it, continue,"

"Horrible-"

"Bruce, I swear-"

"TERRIBLE! Pain and misery."

"See, you coulda just said that. Anyway, I think you should to talk J'onn about that. He's the brain fella. I didn't add anything addictive to it. I value my life far too much." Bruce grunted- disgruntled- then left.

"Baka."

---------------------

J'onn smiled as he stroked the horse. He turned at the slight noise of a cape.

"Hello, Batman," He greeted calmly in his monotone. Out of respect, he usually didn't read a person's thoughts, but Bruce's were loud. A single word. Shrieked over and over again. SUGAR.

"J'onn." Bruce greeted with a slight nod.

"I sense you are thinking about the sugar incident?" Bruce frowned.

"You read my mind." He accused softly. J'onn smirked.

"No." Bruce seemed to understand, and uncomfortably nodded.

"Oh. Anyway, I think there must have been some addictive properties to the sugar Wally added to my drink, because I've been experiencing withdrawal." J'onn raised a hairless eyebrow.  
"I do not think it was intentional, if this was so…I felt no mischief emanating from his mind." Bruce frowned slightly.

"You can tell?"

"Quite easily."

"Oh. But unintentionally? Perhaps?"  
"It is possible."

"You say that like it's improbable." To anyone else, it sounded like a monotone. But Bruce- whether or not he is in severe Sugar Withdrawal- was the world's great detective, and could see the small- almost invisible- signs of emotion.

"I'll admit, I do not think Flash made a mistake." Bruce frowned. This was an uncommon sentence to hear.

"Then what-"

"Have you considered you simply enjoy the taste of sugar?" Bruce's brows furrowed. The obvious answer 'no'. A very loud 'NO'. Bruce glared, then walked away. With a frown, he asked,

"Why are you in a barn?"  
"I am a Martian."

"Oh." Why did nothing make sense anymore?

--------------------------

Bruce hopped into the car, and just because, turned on the radio,

"Lollypop, lollypop oh, loll-" He changed the station.

"Sugars sweet, so is she, bye bye-"

"I'll let you lick my lo-"

"Sweetest that you've ever se-"

"URG!" Bruce slammed his fist onto the radio, and the music fizzled out unpleasantly. Seconds later, an ice cream truck zoomed by. He glared. If he believed in God, he'd be cursing him out. He drove on, and saw a candy shop with a sign proclaiming- HALF-OFF SALE! "DARN YOU!" He shrieked- surprised at the lack of horrible language he'd used- then drove quickly further.

Life hated him, and he hated life, but he would NOT lose.

------------------------

"NO! Tom! The mouse is right behind you!" The phone rang, and Clark turned, grabbing the phone, "Clark Kent?"

"Hi. This is the Gotham Police Department, we're calling in regards to Bruce Wayne?"

"Bruce?" Clark asked, spitting out his cereal. "WHAT!?"

"Yes, you're the second person on his contacts list, and we need you to come on down and sign him out."

"He has enough money for bail, doesn't he?" Clark asked, a little confused.

"We just need a signature," The man assured him.

"What about the first person?" Clark asked. "Alfred, probably?"

"Wayne used his phone call on him-" Amusement in the officer's voice. "He…was…hung up on." Clark paused. Alfred had hung up on Bruce? WTF? And since when had Clark started saying WTF?

"I'll be right down," He assured the man, casting aside both the cats and mice battling it out, and his delicious Cap'n Crunch.

--------------

Bruce glared at the wall.

This shouldn't be happening.

"Clark Kent is here to see you," Said the voice of the officer, one Bruce had SAVED before, and who was now treating him like a side show freak.

"Thank you." He said stiffly, leaving the jail cell, ignoring the stares he was given. Commissioner Gordon saw him, then frowned.

"Bruce," He said with a soft sigh. "I do hope you clean up your act. You're into some rough stuff, kid,"

"Jim, I swear, I didn't know it was Co-"

"Don't." Jim said stiffly. Bruce hung his head and walked away. Stupid red-headed, red-suited- URG!!!! He truly wished he was Bruce Banner, instead of Wayne. He'd turn green, and go destroy a sugar factory. Ah…if only…

"Bruce." Clark stood behind the counter, looking severely peeved. Bruce looked up, then rolled his eyes.

"Hi, Clark." Clark glared, and then walked him to the door.

"Why would you do that, Bruce? Do you realize how addictive- how life-ruining- that stuff can be?" Bruce held his eyes.

"Clark."

"Seriously, I've seen plenty of great kids that succumbed to it, and I know you're rich, and can afford i-"

"Clark, I-"

"I need to say this, Bruce- as a friend. If you continue this way, you won't be in the League."

"I thought it was sugar."

"Well, the first step is ad- what?"

"I. Thought. It. Was. Sugar." Clark frowned, completely lost.

"Thought what? Wait, when?"

"Try to keep up." Bruce told him with a sharp look. "I was…sort of…looking for sugar…"

"What? Why?"

"I was walking home, due to some problems with the road, and songs,

and trucks, and radios, and it-" He shook his head. "Some problems with the road…okay? Anyway, I met this kid…seemed nice…I asked for sugar, and he said, 'Oh, the white stuff?' And I nodded." He sighed, and hung his head. "I was blinded by my quest for deliciousness…" Clark frowned.  
"Didn't you notice it didn't look like sugar?"

"I thought it was powdered." Bruce answered lamely. "And then the police showed up, and then…well…" He shrugged. "You know the rest." Clark nodded, trying as hard as he possibly could to keep a straight face.

"You could have gone to the store."

"BLINDED BY MY QUEST FOR DELICIOUSNESS!" Bruce screamed. Clark shrugged.

"I see."

"Don't tell anyone about this."

"I am not quite sure I can agree to that."

BAT-GLARE!!!!!!1 (To the Extreme)

"I'll see what I can do," Clark murmured sheepishly. "Let's get you home, eh?" Bruce turned.

"I feel OOC."

"WTF?"

"Out of character." Bruce frowned, "Why did you just say that?"  
"I don't know…" Clark whispered, fear evident in his tone. "I really don't know."

"Seems OOC."

-------------------

"And he said, "I didn't think it would spread!'" The small group burst out into laughter as Wally grinned.

"How do you think of these, you pervert?" Tina asked, still laughing. Wally shrugged with a proud smile.

"I'm a genius. DUH."

"Your boyfriend's back," Tina said, noticing Bruce Wayne approaching.

"And you're gonna be in trouble," Fred added. Wally suddenly felt like singing, but he kept it contained.  
"Hey," Bruce said, smiling. He seemed…strained?

"Follow me…" Wally said with weary sadness, leading Bruce to the backroom. Would he be beheaded? He felt his neck sadly. He liked his neck.

"Wally," Bruce said, once the door was shut. "I need a fix."

"Huh?"  
"Sugar." Bruce hissed. "I don't want to be stuck with cocaine- I want the good stuff- granulated! Glucose, fructose, whatever you can find…or…maybe…you can make more of what you made before?" Wally stared wide-eyed. "I can pay!" He added, pulling out a couple of hundred-dollar bills. They smelled…WONDERFUL. Wally tried to ignore them- he really did- but he got hungry…a lot…

"Bruce…" He began carefully. "Is this a test?"

"No," Bruce assured him. He waved the bills beneath his nose. Wally stared at them.

"How much-"

"$1000." Wally's breath hitched. For something that cost- what?- ten bucks to make?

"This isn't healthy," He whispered. His fingers were aching to grab the cash and run- fast. But, then again, Bruce would get sugar elsewhere…why not be a good friend…?  
"Come on…" Bruce encouraged. He even took out a few more bills. "One thousand and five hundred." He said the words huskily, as if he were seducing Wally into taking them.

"FINE!" Wally shouted, already counting the money. He giggled madly- much like the Joker- before throwing a packet of the special sugar towards Bruce. "I had some left over," He said, by way of explanation. Bruce left. "COME BACK IF YOU WANT MORE!" Wally called after him. Then, as a second thought, "AND DON'T GET NAKKI!"

------------------------

Bruce took out the sugar, but first ordered a SWEET ice tea. He sprinkled in a bit of the special sugar, and watched as it dissolved almost instantly.

"It better work, West," He growled. Then he chugged it.

"HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOTHAM!"

--------------------

If you've seen The Mask, then you might be prepared for what you are about to read of Bruce Wayne's…activities…but, then again, no one could ever be prepared.

As if he were ignoring Wally simply to ignore him, Bruce stripped promptly after drinking the tea, then ran around the world a few times.

------------------------

"Let her go, Luther." Superman growled. Lois struggled against the binds, screaming against the gag.

"There would be no fun in that." Lex answered smoothly. "You know what I-" Suddenly, the world seemed to spin. When Superman had his head on right, he saw some naked guy kissing Lois, and Luther tied in the same ropes he'd tied Lois in.

"…Bruce…?" Clark breathed, and Lois first struggled, then relaxed.

"You're a good kisser, hero," She said when he pulled away. She opened her eyes, saw his face, saw he was naked, and looked completely confused. "…Bruce…?"

"Bye-bye, Perty Lady!" And Naked Bruce was gone yet again.

-----------------------

"I love horses." J'onn spoke aloud, though he was alone. Then he frowned. "I sense something is amiss with the world." The horse neighed impatiently. "It wasn't a complete rip-off," J'onn argued. "I said amiss, and I didn't say 'force'." The horse was not swayed.

--------------------

"And they said, 'I always knew he was a Grisham fan!'" The small group laughed, and Wally grinned proudly. "It would have worked with Patterson, too!"  
"It so would!" Tina said, laughing. Phil, laughing too, then said,

"Don't you guys do any work?"  
"I do loads of work thinking these things up!" Wally retorted. Fred frowned.

"I still don't get it." Wally smiled pleasantly, clapping Fred on his back.

"Don't worry, Dude, you're too young for this."

"I'm older than you!" Fred protested.

"Only by a few years," Wally answered with a shrug.

"I'm fort-"

"This just in, Bruce Wayne was spotted streaking in downtown Metropolis, and running at great speeds. Could he be the Flash?" The Television then showed pictures.

"Shield your eyes, youngin!" Wally screamed, tackling Fred.

-------------

Diana brushed her hair then saw the T.V.  
"Oh!" She said with a mischievous smile. "Bruce is fun again!"

And then, dear readers, she stripped.

-----------

Shayera smiled at John.

"Are you sure he won't kill us?" The Green Lantern asked, looking nervously around the mansion.

"Oh, come on, lighten up, John, he's out! Besides, this'll be great."

"Oh, great for you!" John retorted. "You know all his weaknesses!" Somehow dredging up the past was not as painful when they were planning on filling all drinkable liquids in the Wayne Manor with sugar. Shay grinned.

"I'll protect you!"

-----------

Edward Cullen looked up.

"Bella," He murmured.

"Huh?" She asked, turning to him.

"I get the strange feeling this story has nothing to do with us."

"Oh. Okay. Wanna make out?"

"Well, you're a vampire now, so YAY! Okay."

---------

Captain Sparrow grinned.  
"Crossovers can't occur without me!"

----------

Bruce sped through the city, before hearing a familiar cackle.

He ran into the building he'd heard it from, and saw the Joker and his partner, Harley Quinn.

"Whoa!" Harley gasped. "Puddin', check this out!"  
"What is it, Poo?" He asked, turning. His face screwed together. "Not only have we discovered who Batman is…" He said, looking up and down the superhero. "I have discovered I'm gay!" Harley gasped. "JOKING!" She still pouted, and, just to be safe, told the naked man to put something on.

He returned quickly with a tutu.

Even Harley had to laugh.

"I'll save you Bruce!" Diana crashed through the ceiling.

"Has Spandex gone outta style?" Harley asked, looking in confusion to her clown. He shrugged.

"Maybe we're dreaming again."

"Dreaming the same dream?" She cooed. "How romantic!" Diana kissed Batman, then grinned at Harley.

"Mine's cuter!"

"You wanna start a fight, Lady!" Harley screeched. Then she smiled a petite smile, and said, "And, for the record, tuts, mine is cuter. And not wearing a tutu." Diana ripped the offending garment off of her man, then stuck her nose in the air.

"Mine doesn't wear make-up." Harley sprang to attack, and, while Diana and Harley were distracted, Joker ran away. Diana never noticed that Bruce had run away, too.

"I can show you the world, take you wonder by wonder-"

"EXCUSEME!" Bruce screamed, splashing water onto the couple that was skimming down slightly above a lake. "IthinkIwentbackintime, butthat'sokay!" Bruce continued running, a tune now running in his mind.

"A WHOLE NEW WORLD!" He sang loudly. He was a very good singer.

"Me again!" Captain Jack waved.

--------------------------

Bruce suddenly felt it, looming above him like a shadow. The sugar crash would come soon. It was pound into him. Any minute. He knew what he had to do.

He turned towards Central City.

------------------------

"And I said, 'You forgot the Coffee!" The small group laughed, and Tina nodded,

"I have heard that one- from Good Will Hunting, right?"

"Yea, I lo-" And then he was gone.

"Bruce…where are we?"

"Um,Idon'tknow,somewheresomplace,Ithink."

"I should hope so. What do you want?"

"!"

"I gave you some, and look at you." Wally looked at him disappointedly. "You're Nakki, aren't you?" Bruce hung his head in shame.

"Yea."

"If I give you more, will you wear clothes?" Bruce nodded shamefully.

"Yessir."

"Good. 's my money?" It was added as a joke- he didn't expect any. But then three thousand dollars was pushed into his face. "I have to make it still."

"Oh,yea!" Bruce had him back to the lab in a millisecond. Wally made sure Bruce couldn't see what he was doing…he had to be the only one who knew how to make it. He was being paid much more then the usual paycheck.

------------------------

"BRUCE!" Diana looked unhappily towards Superman. He sighed.

"Okay." He whispered. "We have no other choice." She nodded, looking equally unpleased. They flew to Gotham and prepared to knock.

"Isn't there another way?" She whispered. Clark shook his head, then tapped his knuckles against the door.

"Superman, Mistress Dia- I daresay, where ARE your clothes?"

TO BE CONTINUED…….

Right Now….

-------------------------

Dressed in boxers, Bruce Wayne was running around the world, stopping crimes, starting crimes, eating sugar, and occasionally singing 'Am I Blue?'

"MASTER BRUCE!" He stopped dead in his tracks. This couldn't be happening. This was worse then the Coke mix-up. Alfred was angry. ANGRY. He turned timidly.

"Hi." He whispered. Alfred grabbed his ear.

"LOOK AT YOU!" He chastised loudly. "FIRST, I AM TOLD YOU WERE ATTEMPTING TO BUY DRUGS, AND NOW YOU'RE ON A MAD SUGAR RAMPAGE, RUNNING NAKED AROUND THE WORLD?! I TAUGHT YOU BETTER!!" Bruce paled, lowered his head, and allowed a coat to be put onto him. "You are coming with me THIS INSTANT!" He followed his butler like a thoroughly abashed puppy.

"It was Wally's fault-" He began.

"Am I Wally's Butler?" Bruce shook his head,

"No."

"Then I have no business with his behavior. AND DON'T PAWN OFF THE BLAME!" Bruce cringed. "Honestly, every time you have some sugar! At least when you were five and ate sugar, running around naked didn't seem so STRANGE! But look at you!" He continued to grumble, and mumble, and mutter, and Bruce's shoulders low, followed him.

Diana and Clark watched, guilt biting at them.

"When will he be normal again?" Clark turned, confusion shining in his eyes.

"He was normal?"

--------------------

"You can fly, you can fly, you can fly, you can f-"

"I KNOW I CAN FLY!" Superman screeched at the chorus, who quickly silenced themselves. They then busied themselves elsewhere, and he flew (yes, he CAN fly) into Bruce's room. "Bruce?"

"Clark." The word was monotone. How was he supposed to know how much trouble he was in if Bruce was so darn unreadable?

"J'onn has blanked the memory of Gotham, destroyed all remnants of the event, and those who had seen you, no longer remember."  
"And the Flash?"

"All the money has been taken back." He could still hear the sobs of the young red-head…'He said it wasn't a test! It smells so great!'

"And you and Diana?"

"Feel bad?" He offered. Bruce glared. "Sorry?" Still glaring. "What do you want from me!" He wept. "Anyway, how do you feel?"

"Like I have a hangover." Bruce answered tightly. "So…not good.'

"How has Alfred been."

"…Not Proud…"

"What did he say about you when you were five?"

"An incident like this one- minus the speed- the 'kick'- from Wally's sugar- has…" He drifted, before Alfred, walking into the bedroom with nice UNSWEET hot tea, finished for him,

"Happened before." Bruce glared, Superman hid a smirk, and, somewhere, Wally was telling a dirty joke.

Bruce hated Life.

EPILOGUE:

When Bruce was healed, he got a bottle of water from the fridge, and, thanks to the Green Lantern and Shayera's tampering, the world saw Naked Batman one last time…

They escaped, just as Shay had promised, but only barely. They are currently scared to return to League Headquarters.

MORAL:

Never trust a Wally.


End file.
